How much a part of us is the language we use?
When I talk on facebook chat or skype in english, I make jokes with words and people on the other end in America understand my jokes, despite not seeing my face or hearing my intonation. When I talk on facebook chat or skype in Romanian, I use lots of smiley faces, because I'm not sure if what I am saying is funny in Romanian.
When I speak English, I am in control. I know the difference between "supercilious" and "unnecessary", and can use a variety of words to express the same idea more colorfully. In Romanian, my vocabulary is basic. I know a few words that are more colorful, in a non-swearing kind of way, but I keep things simple.
And sometimes this simplification of communication makes me feel like a different person. The Romanian me is almost always amiable, not much of a talker but succinct when I do talk. The English me can be too verbose, likes to take sides for the sake of argument and writes without thinking.
The english me is confident, the romanian me is fluff that is easily buffeted by an odd verb tense or the speech of toothless old people.
English is my skin. As long as I have memory its been with me, it fits the way I think, I know words in it for every feeling I have, for every activity I want to do. Romanian, on the other hand, is a ruffly dress that I can take on and off. I try to tailor the dress when I translate directly from english to Romania, but more often than not, there are still awkward seams and some ruffles that don't sit right. But its being worn in. Of course, the huge ruffles on my sleeves and skirt hide grammatical rules I'll probably never know about.
But I've already taken out a few of the ruffles, and I now look forward to putting on the dress when I go downstairs and talk to my host family or my neighbors, as compared to dreading putting it on when I first came to my village.
De fapt, I like to flounce and twirl around in my dress and get complimented for it.
I guess wearing clothes is sometimes more fun than being naked.
2 comments:
Just wanted to tell you that there are people out there enjoying your blog and some other PCV blogs. You offer an American perspective, a glimpse of Romanian life and, for those with an interest in history, a view of both past and possibilities of this once-and-future part of Europe.
About language and one's sense of self - check wikipedia on Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, which is wrong in a quite interesting way, read some Marquez for fun or Wittgenstein for a more academic take on language and how it transforms us. Just wait till you pick up your next one, that can give some insights about previous languages that are unexpected and slightly enlightening.
And remember that most magic and all religions of the Book start with Word becoming physical reality. By speaking a language you change not only who you are, but who all the people around you are.
Yeah, I very much agree. No matter how much time I spend learning another language, I still feel like I'm actually thinking my own thoughts in English.
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